


home for christmas

by krashlyntome (bestthreemonths)



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 09:59:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8840215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestthreemonths/pseuds/krashlyntome
Summary: In striving to be the best RA her school has ever seen, Ali Krieger doesn't come across many residents too difficult to charm into submission. But when it's time to go home for the holidays, she encounters a new obstacle: Ashlyn Harris.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt (yes I really do use these sometimes!!!): College AK is the Resident assistant in Ash's dorm her freshman year. They get off to a rough start until Ali realizes ash has no where to go during winter break

As much as Ali Krieger loves Thanksgiving, it’s the day after that she lives for. No, not Black Friday (she values her beauty sleep too much and does all her deal-finding online anyway), but the day she’s finally allowed by society to blast Christmas music and light Christmas candles (sadly not in her dorm room, though) and generally be the absolute most obnoxious (and festive) version of herself.

 

She lines her hallway with tinsel and snowflakes and menorahs (because inclusivity, and plus, Hanukkah means more presents and more of an excuse to celebrate), and changes her residents’ name tags from fall leaves to Christmas trees and dreidels.

 

The only bad part about the Christmas season is that she has to stay at school till the very last day of exams just a few days before Christmas, till every resident on her hall is gone and checked out. She tries to make her hall the most Christmasy and warm of all to make up for it.

 

Ali has no patience for Scrooges who try to undermine the magic of the season. She’s used to a few eyerolls here and there, but when she starts baking Christmas cookies in the communal kitchen and organizing community events for the girls on her hall to come decorate and build gingerbread houses, everyone gets into the spirit.

 

Everyone, that is, except for the bane of her existence. Every year on every hall there’s at least one, but Ali has the worst black sheep of them all this year, she’s sure of it. It doesn’t help that she lives right next door to Ali’s single room and doesn’t seem to have a care in the world if she gets written up for alcohol or noise or unapproved sleepovers.

 

And yet, Ali can’t be deterred. She’s on a personal mission to make every resident like her, or at least tolerate her. And as a resident advisor, she does have to be nice to even the ones who make her life a living hell.

 

She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

 

“Who is it?” a voice calls.

 

“It’s Ali!” Ali announces chipperly. Silence. “I’m here to do your checkout?” She can hear the girl moving toward the door, and she grins when it opens, but her face falls when she sees how completely unprepared the room is for holiday checkout.

 

“No worries,” Ashlyn says. She’s wearing pajama pants and a tank top, her blonde hair up in a messy bun. “I’m not checking out. Happy holidays, though.”

 

“What do you mean you’re not checking out?” Ali asks. “You can’t—nobody’s on call over break. You have to check out.”

 

Ashlyn shrugs. “It’s cool, I can take care of myself.”

 

“But you can’t,” Ali insists. “You have to check out. It’s policy. I can’t just let you stay here.”

 

“Well, that’s what’s going to happen,” Ashlyn says. “Thanks again.” She tries to close the door, but Ali pushes back.

 

“I’m confused, are you staying here over break?”

 

“Yeah,” Ashlyn replies, looking at her like she has brain cells missing. Come to think of it, that’s how she always looks at Ali.

 

“Are you not going home? At our floor meeting last week I said to talk to me if that’s the case so you can move into interim housing.”

 

“Yeah, I skipped that,” Ashlyn says. “Don’t worry, Whitney brought back extensive notes.”

 

“Yeah, but—”

 

“I think you can understand my not wanting to pack up all my shit just to move across campus and back in a couple weeks,” Ashlyn says. “I’ll sign something if you want me to say I’m cool with not being babysat.”

 

“That’s not the—” Ali starts. “Why aren’t you going home?”

 

Ashlyn shrugs. “My family isn’t big on Christmas.”

 

“Not big on Christmas?” Ali asks. Ashlyn raises an eyebrow. “Sorry, I just… let me call my boss. I don’t know what to—I’ll be right back.”

 

She closes the door behind her and clutches her phone, scrolling to her text thread with Lauren, her supervisor. Truth be told, she has no idea what to do. The deadline to sign up for interim housing was last week, but Ashlyn can’t stay here alone without Ali being in huge trouble. It’s a huge liability that falls completely on Ali’s shoulders.

 

Ali should tell her she’s out of luck, that she needs to get a hotel room or find someone off-campus she can stay with. After all, Ashlyn’s given her nothing but grief all semester long, and she deserves to pay for the hours of sleep Ali will never get back.

 

But there’s something about the look in Ashlyn’s eyes that gives Ali pause. Ali can’t imagine not having anywhere to go for the holidays, and she doesn’t want to press for details, but just the thought of anyone spending Christmas alone makes Ali’s heart hurt. She takes a deep breath and turns back around, knocking on the door.

  
“Still open,” Ashlyn deadpans from inside.

 

Ali takes a huge breath in, trying to force a smile when she turns the handle. Ashlyn is sitting cross-legged on her bed, scrolling on her computer. “So, there’s nothing we can do,” Ali says. “Interim housing is full, and it’s a major liability for you to stay.”

 

“Don’t care, not leaving,” Ashlyn says, not looking up from her computer.

 

“I live a few hours away,” Ali says. “You can come to my house for the break.”

 

That gets Ashlyn’s attention. “Why?”

 

“Because everyone should have a family to be around during the holidays.”

 

“I don’t want your charity.”

 

Ali laughs. “Please. Cooking for people gives my mother a reason to live.” Ashlyn doesn’t look convinced. “You’d actually be helping me,” she confesses. “I’m trying to get a promotion next year, and anything that makes me look like I can’t handle situations on my own without getting security involved is a strike against me.”

 

“Will you reset my lockouts?” Ashlyn asks.

 

Ali sighs. “Fine.” Every resident gets four “lockouts,” where the on-call RA lets them into their room if they lose their keys or leave them in the room, but after that, each one costs $50 to discourage the habit.

 

Ashlyn looks surprised, like she didn’t expect Ali to agree so quickly.

 

“And I’ll look the other way when you drink. But no more than four people in your room when you do. And if anything happens, you have to come get me immediately. I can deal with being reprimanded, but I can’t recover from a death on my watch.”

 

Ashlyn finally cracks a smile, and Ali thinks it’s the first time she’s seen her smile. “I’ll think about it.”

 

Ali doesn’t know how to persuade her further, so she purses her lips. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning at 6. Sleep on it.”

 

~

 

Ali is only slightly surprised when she goes to the communal restroom to brush her teeth at 5:30 the next morning and sees Ashlyn getting out of the shower. “Got somewhere to be?” Ali asks.

 

The blonde shrugs. “I’m almost out of ramen noodles anyway, and the campus buses to the store aren’t running.”

 

Ali smiles at her through the reflection in the mirror. “I hate long drives alone anyway.”

 

She may as well be alone with the painfully awkward silence that overpowers the car for the first few hours. She turns the Christmas music on the radio up a little bit at a time, making Ashlyn roll her eyes.

 

“Come on, it's Christmas,” Ali chides. “Can't you just… let it be magic?”

 

Ashlyn puts in her headphones and falls asleep till they get off the highway, but Ali is so preoccupied with the road and the music that she doesn't notice she's woken up.

 

“So, does your family, like, know I’m coming?” Ashlyn asks, making Ali jump with surprise. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, I was in my own world,” Ali says, turning the radio down. “My mom does. That’s where we’re staying. With her. My parents are divorced.” Ashlyn nods. “My brother’s coming home, I haven’t seen him in months, so I’m really excited. Crap. That means you’ll have to… we’ll figure it out when we get there.”

 

“Have to what?”

 

“We don’t have a guest room, but you can take mine,” Ali shrugs. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

 

“No, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Ashlyn protests. “You should have your room.”

 

“You’re the guest, my mom would rather die than have you sleep on the couch,” Ali laughs. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”

 

“What’s she like?”   
  


“My mom?” Ali asks. “She’s great, don’t get me wrong, she’s just super overbearing, and she gets anal about having guests. She likes having everything neat and orderly. She’ll try to feed you like every second, so don’t be afraid to tell her you aren’t hungry or else you might gain like 50 pounds.”

 

“That’s good,” Ashlyn says. “It sounds like she really loves you.”

 

“Yeah,” Ali says softly, feeling guilty for complaining about her mom when she doesn’t even know Ashlyn’s family situation. “She does.”

 

~

 

Ali’s mom is on another level when they get there, a full breakfast already prepared and an itinerary drawn up for the day, and Ashlyn starts to understand exactly where the RA in Ali comes from. She barely has time to put her bag in Ali’s room before Deb hollers at them to get in the car to go get their Christmas tree. Ali argues that they should wait for her brother, but it's clear that Deb has waited long enough to deck the halls.

 

After a long day of tree-trimming and Christmas music, which Ashlyn joins in reluctantly after observing quietly for a while, they finally settle in for a movie and egg nog.

 

“Ashlyn, I'm just so happy you could join us!” Deb gushes. “I’d probably drive Alex crazy if it were just her, she needed a contingency plan.”

 

“Guilty,” Ali jokes.

 

“Do you need any extra pillows or blankets in your room?” Deb asks.

 

“That's okay, I'm just going to sleep out here,” Ashlyn says.

 

“Absolutely not!” Deb exclaims. “I'm an early riser, and you won't want to hear my coffeemaker at 5 a.m. Alex has a wonderful bed.”

 

“You've both really done enough, really,” Ashlyn insists. “I'll be fine.”

 

“You're not winning this one,” Ali whispers, winking at her mom. “Let me show you the bathroom and everything so you can shower when you want.”

 

“Sure,” Ashlyn says, standing up to stand by awkwardly while Ali kisses her mom goodnight. “Thanks, Mrs. Krieger.”

 

“Ashlyn,” Deb chides. “We've discussed this. Call me Deb.”

 

Once in her room, Ali starts to apologize. “She's a lot, I know.”

 

Ashlyn laughs. “You're a lot, I'm used to it.”

 

Ali narrows her eyes, sitting on the edge of her bed.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing, it's just… I didn't think you gave me a second thought ever, you know, after rolling your eyes every time I tell you to keep the volume down.”

 

“I mean, you're my RA,” Ashlyn shrugs. “Doesn't everyone hate their RA?”

 

“Whitney likes me!” Ali says, referencing Ashlyn’s roommate. 

 

“Whitney likes everyone, she's an exception to every rule.”

 

Ali bites her lip.

 

“I don't really not like you,” Ashlyn says. “I know you have a job to do.”

 

Ali shrugs. “Sometimes people don't like me,” she says. “I'm used to it.”

 

“Well you try really hard, and it shows,” Ashlyn says. “I'm sorry for the times I was rude to you. I promise it won't happen again.”

 

“It will,” Ali says. “I'm going to ruin your fun and you're going to be annoyed. It's okay. But thanks for saying that.”

 

Ashlyn smiles. “I can sleep on the floor,” she says, looking toward the bed. “Just give me a pillow and a blanket and I'll be fine.”

 

“My bed’s big enough,” Ali says. “I don't kick or steal covers or anything. I mean, if you're comfortable with it. I’d sleep in Kyle’s room, but I've missed my bed, and I don't know when he’ll be here.”

 

“I don't want you to be uncomfortable.”

 

“What?” Ali asks. “Please, I've had like four girls share this bed for sleepovers before. Unless you'll be uncomfortable.” She panics for a moment, trying to figure out if her RA boundaries still apply here.

 

“No, I won't, it's just…” Ashlyn starts. “Never mind.”

 

“What?” Ali exclaims.

 

“Nothing! Can I change in your bathroom?” Ashlyn asks, turning pink.

 

“You can change in here, I was going to shower,” Ali says. “Unless you have to go to the bathroom.”

 

“No, no, it's all good,” Ashlyn says, averting her eyes and rummaging in her things.

 

Ali grabs some pajamas out of her drawer and clutches them to her chest. “Towels are in the hall closet, by the way,” she says. “And feel free to get anything you want from the kitchen. Just, like, no eating in my bed or anything.” She cringes. “Do I sound like my mom?”

 

“A little,” Ashlyn says with a smile. “But your bed, your rules.”

 

Ali smiles. “Cool.”

 

“Cool.”

 

“So, I'll just—” Ali says, motioning toward the door.

 

“Yeah,” Ashlyn replies.

 

When Ali gets into the hallway, she sighs. She probably could have anticipated this level of awkwardness, but she’d been so focused on solving the problem of Ashlyn staying in the dorm alone that she hadn't considered the obvious consequences. 

 

Ashlyn is sitting at Ali’s desk when Ali gets back from her shower, face free of makeup and hair in a bun. “I didn't know which side of the bed you prefer,” she says.

 

“Oh,” Ali says. “Right. I mean, I sleep on the right.”

 

“Okay, cool,” Ashlyn nods. “I'm just gonna brush my teeth, so.”

 

“Good,” Ali says. “I mean, not good. Not like you have bad breath. Sorry.”

 

Ashlyn laughs. “I feel like it still smells like pizza, so that would be fair.”

 

Ali plugs her phone in and slides into bed, careful to get comfortable on the edge so she can keep her promise of being a good co-sleeper.

 

“Want me to get the lights?” Ashlyn asks when she gets back, smelling like mint and eucalyptus. (Her moisturizer, probably. Ali doesn't know why she's so surprised that she moisturizes.)

 

“If you don't mind.”

 

Ashlyn turns off the lights and closes the door, getting into bed as quietly as possible.

 

“Good night,” Ali says.

 

“You too,” Ashlyn says. “Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it.”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Ali replies. “I can't believe your family doesn't do Christmas. Wait, you aren't like, Jewish or anything, are you?”

 

Ashlyn laughs. “No.”

 

“Did you tell your family you were coming here with me?”

 

“I texted them,” Ashlyn says. “We aren't really that close.”

 

Ali nods. “I'm sorry.”

 

Ashlyn shrugs. “It's cool. My choice.”

 

“Gotcha,” Ali says. “Why didn't you go home with one of your… friends?” They both know she's referring to the revolving door of girls that come through Ashlyn’s door. Originally Ali had thought they were just that, friends, until she caught Ashlyn in the shower with one of them.

 

Ashlyn turns her head toward Ali, giving her a look. “Whitney and her family go to Aspen for Christmas. I hate skiing and the cold, and if she knew I wasn't going home, she would have forced me to come with her.”

 

“Like I did?”

 

“It's not that cold here,” Ashlyn laughs. “And besides, you don't like me. I figured I could stay out of your hair while you do Christmas stuff with your family.”

 

“And then my mom happened.”

 

“She's nice,” Ashlyn says.

 

“I do like you,” Ali says.

 

“I'm a resident, you have to,” Ashlyn retorts.

 

“I've hated my fair share of residents,” Ali says. “You're just… hard to get through to, I guess.”

 

“And you like a challenge.”

 

Ali laughs. “Guilty as charged.”

 

“Hence why you're still inviting me to all your hall events even after I came to the Halloween one high.”

 

Ali is quiet. “I didn't know you were.”

 

“Oops.”

 

Ali doesn't say anything, but she can hear Ashlyn swallow. “I’d rather you not come at all than do drugs and come.”

 

“Okay,” Ashlyn says. “I'm sorry. I don't do it that often. It was just pot.”

 

“Still drugs,” Ali says. “Please tell me you don't have it in your room.”

 

“I don't.”

 

“Are you telling the truth? I could get in huge trouble.”

 

“I really don't, I wouldn't put Whitney in that situation,” Ashlyn says.

 

“Okay,” Ali says. “Good.”

 

“Good night,” Ashlyn says softly.

 

“Good night.”

 

~

 

The next morning, Ali is chipper as ever, sitting cross-legged on the counter drinking coffee with an unfamiliar girl when Ashlyn gets up, earlier than usual because she's scared of sleeping in too late at someone else’s house.

 

“Hey, want coffee?” Ali asks.

 

“I'm good,” Ashlyn says. “Good morning.”

 

“This is my best friend, Liz,” Ali says. “We were going to do some Christmas shopping, but I wanted to wait for you to get up. Do you want to come?”

 

“Um, no, that's okay,” Ashlyn says, suddenly feeling as though she's intruding.

 

“If you don't, Deb will definitely wrangle you into doing something with her,” Liz says. “We’re more fun, I promise.”

 

“Excuse me?” Deb asks, walking into the kitchen with her hands on her hips.

 

“Deb Deb!” Liz exclaims, giving her a hug.

 

“Hi, sweetheart, I've missed you,” Deb says, squeezing her tight.

 

Ashlyn watches them chat warmly and with familiarity, but she doesn't realize Ali's talking to her till she feels a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Hey,” Ali says, smiling. “We’re going pretty soon if you want to get ready.”

 

~

 

Ashlyn thought she’d shopped before, but nothing could have prepared her for shopping with Ali. They go to nearly every store, and Ashlyn can't believe Ali's arms don't break with all the bags she ends up carrying. She reluctantly lets Ashlyn help her with them, but Ashlyn has to grin and bear it when her feet start hurting about two hours in.

 

Ali is good at making Ashlyn feel included, but the way she acts with Liz makes Ashlyn long for a connection like that, one she doesn't even have with Whitney.

 

By the time they get home after shopping and dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, the sun is down and the house is quiet and dark aside from the Christmas tree. Deb left a note that she's out with friends and that they should help themselves to some hot cocoa and popcorn, which Ali gladly prepares while Liz flips the channels till she lands on Hallmark.

 

“This is perfect,” Ali sighs after her first sip. She looks over at Ashlyn on the other couch. “Do you like it?”

 

“Is there alcohol in this?” Ashlyn asks after her first sip.

 

“Bailey’s,” Ali giggles. “Liz and I have been doing this since we were 15.”

 

Ashlyn smiles, but she sets it down on the table once Ali looks away, not picking it up again till Liz gets up to leave and Ashlyn takes the dishes to the kitchen while they say goodbye.

 

“Did you not like it?” Ali asks, coming into the kitchen just as Ashlyn is pouring it down the drain.

 

“No, it was fine, Bailey’s just hurts my stomach,” Ashlyn says. “Thanks, though.”

 

“Sorry for dragging you through the mall.”

 

“It was productive,” Ashlyn laughs.

 

“I think I’m going to wrap the presents tonight so Kyle doesn’t get a peek whenever he gets here.”

 

“That’ll take like two hours.”

 

“Not if you help me,” Ali says with a hopeful smile.

 

Ashlyn, having no room to deny her request, spends the next two hours “helping” Ali wrap, which really means cutting, starting to wrap, then handing the gift over to Ali when Ashlyn catches her pretending not to cringe. Ali promises she’ll teach her another day.

 

After two days together, Ali feels like she and Ashlyn could be friends, but she still feels like she doesn’t know anything about the girl. Then again, she probably hasn’t offered up much information about herself, either. When the lights are off and both girls are in bed, though, Ali feels more comfortable asking questions she might not in the daylight, when Ashlyn’s eyes are fixed on hers.

 

“So, do you have any siblings?” Ali asks.

 

“A brother,” Ashlyn says. “Chris.”

 

“And your parents? Are they still together?”

 

“No,” Ashlyn replies. “Why the sudden curiosity?”

 

“I don’t know, I feel like I don’t know anything about you.”

 

“You don’t.”

 

“Well, I was just wondering. You know I have a brother, you know my parents are divorced.”

 

“I also know you didn’t buy your dad any gifts for Christmas, but I wasn’t going to ask about it.”

 

Ali can’t tell from the tone of Ashlyn’s voice if she’s just stating a matter of fact or if she’s irritated by what Ali thought were innocent questions. “My dad’s in Aruba with his girlfriend for two weeks. He’ll probably send me and Kyle checks for a hundred bucks each. That’s Christmas for us.”

 

“That sucks, dude, I’m sorry,” Ashlyn says. This time Ali can tell by her tone that she’s genuinely sympathetic.

 

“It’s okay,” Ali says. “I’m lucky. I have my mom. I have Kyle.”

 

“When’s he getting here?”

 

“I don’t know,” Ali says. “I haven’t talked to him since we left to come home. He’s really busy, did I tell you he lives in New York?”

 

She had, but Ashlyn says “no, how cool” anyway.

 

“Yeah, so I’m sure he’ll call when he’s on his way. Hopefully tomorrow, but definitely by Christmas Eve. He loves It’s a Wonderful Life.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“What?” Ali exclaims. “Stop. You’re kidding.”

 

“What?”

 

“You’ve never seen It’s a Wonderful Life?”

 

“Is it a movie?”

 

“Ashlyn!” Ali gasps. “Yes, it’s the most iconic Christmas movie of all time. God, did you even have a childhood?” She regrets the words as soon as she says them, but Ashlyn just laughs.

 

“I guess not,” she says. “Well, I’m excited to meet him. And to watch the most iconic Christmas movie of all time.”

 

“I’m excited too.”

 

~

 

Kyle doesn’t arrive the next day, and Ali tries to stay positive. He won’t answer texts, but he’s still active on Instagram, posting pictures with his friends and clients, so she figures he’s just overwhelmed with work.

 

The day before Christmas Eve is always Deb’s big baking day, so the house smells delicious from sunrise till well after sunset with peanut butter thumbprint cookies, peppermint swirl pound cake, shortbread cookies with colorful frosting and sprinkles, and the classic chocolate chip cookies.

 

Ali feels like she’s gone up two dress sizes just smelling the butter and sugar, not to mention the tasting, so she thinks a run might be in order.

 

“Can I come?” Ashlyn asks.

 

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Ali says. It hadn't occurred to her that Ashlyn would even want to come. “I'm not much fun to be with on a run, though, I usually put in my headphones and tune out.”

 

“Same,” Ashlyn says. “I don't need you to entertain me, don't worry.”

 

So they run in silence, Ashlyn looking to Ali when it comes to choosing a path. They compete silently, Ali picking up her pace whenever Ashlyn starts to encroach. By the time they finish (at a pace more than a minute less than Ali’s usual “casual run” pace), they're panting and sweating despite the chilly weather.

 

“Damn,” Ashlyn says, bent over at the waist in the foyer as she tries to catch her breath. “You weren't playing.”

 

“What?” Ali asks, her lungs burning with the cold still as she runs up the stairs to her room. “I haven't run that fast since high school.”

 

“I haven't run that fast ever,” Ashlyn says.

 

“You could have fooled me,” Ali replies, lifting her cold, sweat-soaked shirt over her head, leaving her in just a sports bra.

 

Ashlyn’s breath catches, and her face turns redder than it was from the wind chill as she turns her back to Ali. “Sorry,” she mumbles.

 

“For what?” Ali asks.

 

“You— I—”

 

“I can change in the bathroom,” Ali says. “Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”

 

“You aren't,” Ashlyn says. “That's a, uh, cool tattoo.”

 

“Thanks,” Ali says with a smile, looking at her own ribcage. “Yours are nice too.”

 

“Thanks,” Ashlyn says. “You can change, I'll go to the bathroom or whatever.”

 

“I was going to shower,” Ali says. “Are you sure you're okay?”

 

“Yeah, fine,” Ashlyn assures her.

 

After both have showered and resumed normal breathing, their tradition of nightly conversation resumes.

 

“We should run together when we get back to school,” Ali says. “But you have to go that hard every time.”

 

“Deal,” Ashlyn agrees.

 

“And I won't strip in front of you next time,” Ali teases. Ashlyn laughs uncomfortably. “Does that weird you out?”

 

“Me? No, I just, I don't know,” Ashlyn says. “I figured you wouldn't… in front of me. I don't know.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Because I'm—you know.”

 

“I don't follow.”

 

“Because I'm gay,” Ashlyn says. “I thought it might… bother you, I don't know. Sharing the bed, getting undressed…”

 

Ali looks over at her, dumbfounded, and then laughs. “Oh my God,” she says. “That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I know you haven't met him yet, but trust me when you meet Kyle you'll realize how absurd that sounds.”

 

“Is he gay?”

 

“So gay,” Ali laughs. “But I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. I know how it feels. I sort of dated a girl—one of my soccer teammates—in high school. It was pretty low-key, but my team knew, and I felt like a lot of them acted differently around us, especially in the locker room, once they realized.”

 

“You dated a girl?” Ashlyn asks, turning her head to look at Ali.

 

“We were hooking up, nothing serious,” Ali says.

 

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

 

“No, you?”

 

“Yeah, in high school,” Ashlyn says. “How about a boyfriend?”

 

“Freshman year,” Ali says. “I went to a fraternity formal with a friend, and we were together for a few months, but it wasn't a good fit. You?”

 

“Nope,” Ashlyn says. “I went with a guy to prom once. That's about the extent of it. Do you still like… date girls?”

 

“I haven't,” Ali says, her cheeks heating up. “Not since Kate. The one from high school.”

 

“But you're still, like, into girls?”

 

“I guess,” Ali says. “I don't think I've changed, but I haven't dated anyone. It's intimidating. And all the girls I get to know are residents or other RAs, and it's a weird thing to talk about I guess. And the guys I meet are other RAs or they're in my classes or trying to get in my pants, or some combination of those things. Meeting people isn't hard, but meeting people you have a connection with is. And then it's like, does that connection translate to something romantic? And if it doesn't, do I risk losing their friendship? It's a fine balance.”

 

“That's why I've avoided it so far,” Ashlyn chuckles.

 

“Avoided what?” Ali asks. “You have girls over every weekend.”

 

“Not every weekend,” Ashlyn argues. “That's why I thought you'd be uncomfortable undressing in front of me.”

 

“Because I walked in on you and that girl in the showers?”

 

“Oh God, I’d forgotten about that,” Ashlyn groans. “No, because after that you'd enforced the guest policy on me way harsher than the girls who always have their boyfriends over. I thought you might be… I don't know.”

 

“Homophobic?” Ali laughs. “Ashlyn, the other girls may have people over, but the other girls don't share a wall with me. That's the difference.”

 

“Well that’s good to know,” Ashlyn says, turning onto her side. “I'm wiped out. How sore do you think we’ll be tomorrow?”

 

~

 

Very sore, it turns out. Ali can barely pull herself out of bed, and she and Ashlyn watch Netflix lazily most of the morning before finally going downstairs for breakfast at 11:30 (which is more like brunch at such a late hour).

 

The newest addition to the room is a stocking embroidered with Ashlyn’s name, which Ashlyn blushes at and insists isn't necessary.

 

“It's Christmas,” Ali says, rolling her eyes. “Just… let it be magic.”

 

Deb is already out delivering packages of cookies to neighbors and friends, but she left plenty for them (and, of course, Santa).

 

“Anything you want to do today?” Ali asks, but the pained look on her face makes it clear that icing her legs is the only priority.

 

“No, that's okay,” Ashlyn says. “Besides, your brother’s coming home today, right? We should be here when he gets here.”

 

Ali smiles brightly. “Good point!” she exclaims. “That reminds me, I should call him to figure out his plans.”

 

She feels a new spring in her step as she goes back up the stairs to her room to find her phone. The first time she dials, it goes directly to voicemail, and she takes that as a good sign.

 

“Hi!” she says. “I hope this means you're on the plane. If you'd told me when your trip was I would have totally come to pick you up. I still can, just call me when you land. Love you!”

 

Her voice betrays the voice inside her that says, over and over, “he's not coming.” She tries to replace it with the sound of his voice over the phone just last week saying how excited he was to see her, but she finds it increasingly difficult as the hours pass.

 

When Deb finally comes home, Ali and Ashlyn have been on the couch watching ABC Family’s 25 Days of Christmas and snacking on cookies all afternoon, and the sun is starting to set.

 

“Productive day, girls?” she teases.

 

“Mom, have you heard from Kyle?” Ali asks. She's been checking her phone obsessively, but she's still heard nothing.

 

“I haven't, honey,” Deb sighs. “I wouldn't hold my breath.”

 

“He said he was coming,” Ali argues. “Just a few days ago.”

 

“You know how things can change with him in a few days,” Deb says, a pained look on her face. “Let's enjoy tonight and tomorrow either way, okay?”

 

Ali’s phone buzzes in her hand, and she smiles triumphantly. Kyle. “Hello?” she answers. “Are you here?”

 

“I'm not coming, Al,” he says.

 

Ali's face falls, and she stands up, heading toward her bedroom. “What do you mean?” she asks, the voice inside finally overtaking her.

 

“I mean I'm not coming,” he says. “I thought I could, but I can't.”

 

“It's Christmas, what do you possibly have going on?” Ali asks, her heartbeat quickening. “I haven't seen you in forever. You promised.”

 

“I said I'd try,” he says. “And I did. I couldn't swing it.”

 

“If you need money…”

 

“God, Alex,” he sighs. “Don't be like Mom.”

 

“I can't help it!” she exclaims. “You scare the shit out of me when you do this. Are you safe? Where are you even living right now?”

 

“I'm fine,” he says. “I'm good. Don't worry about me.”

 

“You're on drugs,” she hisses, tears stinging her eyes angrily. “What, were you on a bender when you promised you'd be here? And now you're coming down and realizing how fucking pathetic your life is?”

 

“This is exactly why,” Kyle says. “You are just like Mom, both of you and your judgmental pity. I don't need it, Alex. Merry Christmas. Have a great fucking time.”

 

He hangs up without another word, and Ali tries to catch her breath, her body racked with sobs as she slides down her bedroom door. She doesn't know how long she's there, but she sees the sun disappear from the sky completely, and after a while, she hears a knock on her door.

 

“Ali?” Ashlyn says softly. “Are you in here?”

 

Ali stands to her feet, wiping her eyes before opening the door. “Yeah, sorry, I got distracted,” she says. “Was the movie good?”

 

“Which one?” Ashlyn laughs. “Elf ended and Polar Express started. Both were about as good as I remember. Your mom wants to know if you're planning on having dinner.”

 

“Um, sure,” Ali says. “I just need to, uh—” She tries to come up with an excuse to go into the bathroom to wash her face, but she comes up with nothing.

 

“Ali,” Ashlyn says, and that's all it takes to make Ali break down all over again, this time into Ashlyn’s chest. Ashlyn doesn't say another word, just rubs circles into Ali’s back.

 

“I'm sorry,” Ali weeps.

 

“Don't be,” Ashlyn whispers into her hair. “You can cry, it's allowed. That's what my therapist says, anyway.”

 

Ali laughs despite herself. “You have a therapist?”

 

“You don't?” Ashlyn replies with a shrug. “I’d highly recommend it to anyone.”

 

Ali pulls away, wiping her eyes, and takes a deep breath. “I'm going to wash up,” she says. “I'll be down in a little bit. You guys can get started without me.”

 

By the time she collects herself and washes her face free of tear stains, Ashlyn and Deb are at the dining room table in matching Christmas pajamas, sharing a bottle of red wine. Ali’s set is folded at her place at the table.

 

“No dinner till you're in the proper dress code,” Ashlyn says with a grin.

 

~

 

Ali can't get her mind off Kyle, but despite his absence, Christmas Eve is still Christmas Eve. Ashlyn’s presence doesn't make up for him not being there, but the conversation flows easily and merrily along, whereas without her, Ali and Deb would be having a much harder time.

 

Deb wordlessly asks Ali if they should still watch the movie, and Ali nods her affirmation, snuggling in beside her mom on the couch while Ashlyn takes the loveseat.

 

They drink their hot cocoa (without Bailey’s, this time) and eat their popcorn while watching the movie, not a dry eye in the house when all is said and done.

 

“I can't believe you've never seen that, Ashlyn,” Deb says for what must be the fifth time.

 

“Me neither,” Ashlyn says. “But I'm glad I got to see it with you guys. This has been an amazing way to spend Christmas.”

 

“We’d love to have you back anytime,” Deb assures her, giving her a hug at the top of the stairs.

 

Ali hangs back quietly, hugging and kissing her mom goodnight before following Ashlyn into her room. She gets ready for bed without words, save for a “good night” when she crawls into bed. Ashlyn takes that as her hint that there will be no conversation tonight.

 

“Thank you for having me,” Ashlyn says softly once she's in bed and the lights are out. “I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted.”

 

Ali sniffles. “Thanks,” she says. It sounds like she's going to say something else, but only sobs come out. “God, I'm so sorry.”

 

“Stop apologizing,” Ashlyn says. “You're upset. It's the holidays. You should be with the people who mean the most to you.”

 

“I don't mean anything to him,” Ali says.

 

Ashlyn wants to say it's untrue, but she doesn't know Kyle, doesn't know anything about this family aside from what she's observed over the last few days. “You mean something to me,” she says instead.

 

“Come on, you know we’re going to go back to school and nothing is going to change.”

 

Ashlyn stays quiet, trying to pretend she doesn't feel like she's been punched in the gut. “I’d like it to,” she says. “I’d like to be your friend.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you're kind,” Ashlyn says. “And funny and smart and fun to be around. You invited me to intrude on your holiday festivities, and I didn't know how much I needed this till I was here. So maybe we’ll go back to school and everything will be the same, but if it does, I'll always remember this.”

 

“He's not coming.” It's the first time Ali’s said the words out loud.

 

“I know.”

 

“He's an addict.”

 

“What?” Ashlyn turns to look at Ali through the dark.

 

“The only reason he's a hairstylist in New York is because he dropped out of school. Because he was hooked on so many drugs and in and out of rehab,” Ali says. “It's not fancy or sophisticated or anything, I don't even think he has a place of his own. I never know what I'm going to get when I call him, and he won't listen to anyone. I'm terrified he's going to die and the last thing I said to him was that he's pathetic and worthless.”

 

“My parents are alcoholics,” Ashlyn says. “I get it. I completely get it.”

 

“Is that why you don't do Christmas?”

 

“We don't do much of anything anymore,” Ashlyn says. “My brother is the one I texted about coming here. Nobody else knows or cares where I am at any given time.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Ali says. “I have no idea.”

 

“I guess now I get why it upset you that I was high at your event,” Ashlyn says. “I didn't drink that Bailey’s hot chocolate because I don't drink. At all, really. I mean, a glass of wine or a beer from time to time, but nothing more.”

 

“But you're always…”

 

“I always have people over because I'm scared of what could happen if we went out,” she says. “I drank in high school, but after blacking out one night, I swore I wouldn't do it again. I don't want to end up like my parents.”

 

“I'm sorry I assumed.”

 

“I assumed things about you too,” Ashlyn says. “Maybe we needed to. Taught us both a lesson.”

 

“Yeah,” Ali says quietly.

 

“So can we be friends?”

 

“Yeah,” Ali says. “I think we can.”

 

“Good,” Ashlyn replies. “Because I could really use one like you.”

 

~

 

Ali stopped believing in Santa when she was 8, but Deb has never stopped sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night to put all the presents under the tree. Over the years, there are fewer boxes, but better presents, due in part to the fact that Deb is a single mom now and puts more thought into each and every expense.

 

Ashlyn seems surprised when Deb hands her an overflowing stocking filled with fuzzy socks and chocolate and gift cards, but she's even more surprised when Deb presents her with gifts “from Santa.”

 

“You didn't have to,” Ashlyn insists, turning pink.

 

“I didn't do anything,” Deb says. “No matter how old you get, Santa always finds you.”

 

“I told you,” Ali says, sticking her tongue out at Ashlyn. “Let it be magic.”

 

Ashlyn and Ali come to the unspoken agreement to exchange their gifts later, after Deb has gotten her fill of watching them gleefully rip apart her wrapping job. No matter how small the guest list, Deb always insists on a full Christmas dinner, ham and turkey and all. Ashlyn helps with the sweet potatoes, and Ali masterfully prepares her famous mashed potatoes and stuffing, which successfully stuffs them all into late afternoon naps in the living room.

 

When Ali wakes up, Ashlyn is fidgeting with a small gift bag. “It's not much,” she says, whispering as to not wake Deb. “I don't think I can properly thank you for any of this.”

 

“Sure you can, I love presents,” Ali teases. Ashlyn hands her the bag, which she digs through to pull out what looks like a nightlight and a bunch of wax.

 

“It's a warmer,” Ashlyn says, suddenly shy. “I know you like to light candles—I lost count of the ones in your room—but I know you can't have them at school. These smell really good, I tried to get the kinds of scents you like, but you can bring them back if not.”

 

“This is perfect,” Ali says. “And so thoughtful. Thank you. I got you something, too, but it's upstairs.” She pauses for a second and then stands up. “You stay here, I have to get it ready. Come upstairs in like, five minutes.”

 

She runs upstairs with Ashlyn’s gift bag in hand, pulse racing as she thinks about what she's going to do. Her gift for Ashlyn is wrapped perfectly on her desk, but then there’s the part she wasn't sure of, that she bought on a whim, as a joke, really. She was going to give it to Deb when they came home from shopping, but she’d forgotten about it till last night when she was lying awake in bed, trying to hush her screaming thoughts.

 

Once she has everything ready, she waits at the doorway till she hears Ashlyn padding up the steps.

 

“Merry Christmas,” Ali says, handing her the gift bag. Ashlyn stands in front of her like she's expecting Ali to move, but Ali stays still until Ashlyn rummages through the gift bag and pulls out her presents, a pair of wireless headphones and an armband for running, much like the ones Ali has that Ashlyn had admired when they went for their run the other day.

 

“How did you…?” Ashlyn asks, mystified. They'd gone shopping before their run, after all.

 

“I got my mom to pick them up,” Ali says. “Do you like them?”

 

“These are amazing, thank you,” Ashlyn says, hugging Ali.

 

“There's something else,” Ali says softly. “If you want it.”

 

Ashlyn pulls away and grins. “You didn't have to. But of course I want it.”

 

Ali smiles back, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “If you don't, it's okay. It's kind of more of a gift for me anyway.”

 

“Okay,” Ashlyn says slowly.

 

Ali looks up toward the ceiling, and Ashlyn follows her gaze, finally seeing the reason Ali hasn't budged since she got there.

 

“Oh,” Ashlyn breathes.

 

They're standing under mistletoe, a little sprig Ali had picked up at the Christmas store in the mall. She isn't sure if she really forgot to give it to Deb or if she’d had a higher purpose for it all along.

 

Either way, last night while lying in bed and hearing Ashlyn’s story, after crying in her arms over Kyle, after all the walls they'd broken down in just a few days, all Ali wanted was to kiss her. She had turned to her side to say as much, but Ashlyn was sound asleep, and she thought she’d missed her chance till she remembered the mistletoe. If she doesn't make her move now, when lines are blurred and rules are unclear, she never will.

 

“I know it's cheesy,” Ali says, cheeks turning pink. “And forward, and I'll probably feel so embarrassed about this later, but--”

 

Ashlyn cuts her off by leaning down and kissing her, softly at first, her lips barely brushing Ali’s, before lifting a hand to the back of Ali’s neck, bringing her in for a strong, slow kiss.

 

When she pulls away, Ali bites her lip as if she can savor the kiss longer, her eyes refusing to open.

 

“I think that's the best present yet,” Ashlyn says, bringing Ali back to earth.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You don't know how long I've wanted to do that,” Ashlyn says.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Ashlyn says. “When I saw you on move-in day, I thought you had the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. Then I found out you were my RA, then you started busting me for everything, so I got over that pretty quickly.”

 

Ali laughs, leaning her forehead against Ashlyn’s collarbone. “God.”

 

“But then you invited me here and you opened up to me and let me meet the real you, and I've wanted to kiss you every second.”

 

“You should have,” Ali murmurs, standing up straight to look Ashlyn in the eyes before standing up on her toes and pecking her on the lips again.

 

“This was better,” Ashlyn says, her hands settling on Ali’s hips. “It makes for a better story.”

 

“Oh, so we’re going to tell people?” Ali asks, lifting an eyebrow. “I won't ruin your street cred?”

 

“If I won't ruin your chance for that promotion,” Ashlyn replies.

 

Ali’s face falls, and the fog in her head she hadn't been aware of before is suddenly gone. “Oh. That.”

 

“Yeah, that,” Ashlyn laughs.

 

Ali steps back, running a hand through her hair. “I shouldn't have done this.”

 

“Hey,” Ashlyn says softly, taking her free hand and squeezing it. “It's Christmas. Let the future worry about itself till we get there, then we can handle it.”

 

“But—” Ali protests.

  
“It's Christmas,” Ashlyn repeats before pulling Ali’s body close and giving her a kiss she feels from her scalp to the tips of her fingers and toes. “Let it be magic.”


End file.
